In infancy and early childhood (not to mention in utero), we become wounded and get our hearts broken by our imperfect and often well-intentioned attachment figures, who are doing the best they can with what they know.
This sets the emotional and physiological blueprint for the rest of our lives……we learn what’s safe and what isn’t, we learn about who we are and aren’t, and most importantly, we learn about what we can expect in close attachment relationships. And we return to this blueprint over and over again, no matter how much pain it has caused us…..we will always choose familiarity over change, regardless of how it’s serving us.
The good news is it’s not a life sentence. It’s an injury, a wound…..and it’s completely within our power to evolve and grow through the pain of our past. I’m no philosopher, but growth may be the whole point of it all, the reason we’re here in the first place. We’re here not just to survive, but to thrive!!!
This is why it’s so important we do the work. What a waste it would be if we spent our lives unconsciously projecting our old shit onto other people. What a tragedy it would be if we spent our lives running away from authentic love and connection because we didn’t receive it as kids and now don’t recognize it as adults. What a sad state of affairs to spend a lifetime in the dull, grey “this is just how life is I guess” zone, because we learned somewhere along the way that we were worthless, and we continued to make decisions based on that story.
So let’s get curious about our patterns and do the work. Do it like your life depends on it……because it does.